## 1. REDUNDANT TRANSITIONS/SIGNPOSTING (~80-100 words) | Location | Current | Can cut to | |----------|---------|-----------| | §2 opening | "Carlson recommends we appreciate things for what they are. So what are LLMs?" | "So what are LLMs?" | | §3 opening | "However, the technical description in the previous section presents LLMs as systems that..." | "However, §2 presents LLMs as systems that..." | | §4 opening | "Having set aside the person-based options in Section 3, we turn to design appreciation." | "We turn to design appreciation." | | §5.1 opening | "Section 2 described what LLMs are... This satisfies Carlson's first recommendation..." | Cut first sentence entirely - already established | | §6 opening | "Discussion of generative AI aesthetics has so far focused on outputs" | Can cut - obvious from paper structure | | Conclusion | "We began by asking..." | Can tighten recap | --- ## 2. DOUBLED PHRASINGS (~60-80 words) | Current | Tighter | |---------|---------| | "visible and intelligible" (appears 5+ times) | Use once, then just "visible" or "intelligible" | | "projects and commitments" | "projects" (commitments already implied) | | "appropriate aesthetic appreciation" | "appropriate appreciation" or just "appreciation" | | "temporally extended life" | "extended life" (temporal implied) | | "stable patterns" / "characteristic patterns" | Standardize to one phrase | --- ## 3. VERBOSE CONSTRUCTIONS (~100-120 words) | Current | Tighter | |---------|---------| | "it is not difficult to imagine ways in which" | "one could" | | "For present purposes, we need not decide which of these options is correct" | "We need not decide here" | | "What matters for present purposes is" | "What matters is" | | "Given [[Allen Carlson]]'s recommendation that we should appreciate things as what they in fact are" | "Given Carlson's recommendation" | | "in the way it is of fiction" / "in the sense in which" | Cut prepositional padding | | "a kind of" / "a sort of" | Often deletable | --- ## 4. REPEATED EXPLANATIONS (~80-100 words) | Location | Issue | |----------|-------| | §3.1-3.2 | Both sections explain why LLMs lack "temporally extended life" - can state once definitively | | §3.3 | Re-explains post-training after §2 already covered it | | §5.1 | Re-explains simulator view when introducing [[semiotic physics]] - Janus summary could be tighter | | §6.1, 6.2, 6.3 | Each restates "semiotic physics guides aspection" - needed once | --- ## 5. EXCESSIVE EXEMPLIFICATION (~50-70 words) | Current | Issue | |---------|-------| | "warmth, wit, or steadiness" / "warmth or eccentricity" / "quick wit" | Multiple trait lists - one suffices | | "Gatsby's enigmatic, dream-chasing idealism; Ron Swanson's libertarian gruffness" | Appears twice - cut second instance | | Reasoning output vs. bee text | Extended; core contrast made early but elaborated redundantly | --- ## 6. HEDGING/QUALIFICATION (~40-50 words) | Phrases that can be cut | |------------------------| | "in this sense" | | "as we shall see" | | "we noted that" / "we have noted" | | "it should be noted that" | | "in a certain sense" | | "so to speak" | --- ## 7. LONG QUOTATIONS (~50-80 words) | Location | Suggestion | |----------|------------| | Carlson 2000 block quote (line 33) | Paraphrase or trim - the point is already made in your prose | | Olah 2024 quote | Keep but trim "one useful way to think about..." framing | | Wolfram 2023 quote | Paraphrase - you explain the same point immediately after | --- ## TOTAL ESTIMATED SAVINGS: **460-600 words** --- ## HIGHEST-IMPACT CUTS (if you want a targeted approach): 1. **Trim §3.3** (~100 words) - re-explains post-training unnecessarily 2. **Consolidate "visible and intelligible"** (~30 words) 3. **Cut transition sentences** at section openings (~60 words) 4. **Paraphrase the Carlson block quote** line 33 (~40 words) 5. **Tighten §6.1 reasoning/bee contrast** - made twice (~80 words) 6. **Remove "For present purposes" constructions** (~25 words)